“I wish you love, I wish you happiness, I wish you all the joy and peace to your heart’s content”
By Larisa Gosla
“What are you thankful for?”
Fiction. Based on a True Holiday
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Every year on Thanksgiving, I’m always thankful for the good. My family, my friends, the food we have on the table. I never say thanks for the horrible stuff that has happened. I want to suppress those times in the most inner parts of my unconscious.
But why? As much as we should be grateful for the good stuff, we should be grateful for the worst. The worst is what makes us who we are; it’s what makes us as strong as we are now. Sometimes it might not feel like it, but here goes…
I’m thankful for all of my mistakes, they’re too many to count. I’m thankful for them because, even though I make them, I have the opportunity to correct them. To have power over my own life is what I am most grateful for.
I’m thankful for all the fights with my parents and sister. Even after all the fights, we’re still a family. We’re stronger, even. We know that whatever happens, we are there for each other. I’m grateful I’m never alone.
I’m thankful for my job and my studies. Even though sometimes they overwhelm me, give me anxiety, and make me cry, I have them. I have a job that I enjoy, and I have studies that have challenged me. My studies have shown me so much about myself. I used to be so shy and couldn’t talk to anyone, now I speak to multiple peers and to every professor I can. It has made me come out of my shell in so many ways. The same with my job; I would’ve never thought I would be so open with my writing, yet here I am showing it to the world.
I’m thankful for my body. Even though it’s not perfect. It’s healthy. Even though I have extra skin all over, it is mine, and it will take me to do wonderful things. It has already done wonderful things.
I’m thankful for the people I’ve lost. Sometimes I lay down at night and just cry. I cry for those people. I’m thankful I got to meet them; I’m thankful for the times they used to hold me while I cried. I’m thankful they were part of my life.
I’m thankful for this huge scar on my back. It hurt like hell and it was a horrible process towards the operation, but it has made me mature in a way nothing else could have done. It helped me, not only physically but emotionally. If I survived that kind of pain at only twelve years old, I can survive anything.
I’m thankful for the boy that broke my heart for the first time. He showed me that heartbreak is inevitable. Heartbreak hurts the same way cutting open your body does, maybe even worse. I’m grateful he broke my heart because it made me who I am today. I am a woman who does not let a man dictate her feelings; I am a woman who knows her worth; I am a woman who knows what she wants. Even though he broke my heart, he showed me I have a heart that can be broken. I am capable of loving the right person with everything I have.
I’m thankful for the first time I cut myself. I don’t know what I was trying to do. I really don’t. I don’t know if it was a call for help or if I just wanted to make my outsides look like how I was feeling on the inside, cut and broken. Yet, I’m grateful. I’m grateful because it showed me I want to live. I want to fight like hell to live.
The bad has made me appreciate the good in so many ways. It’s important to recognize the good in everything. As much as I like to wallow in my own misery sometimes, I am grateful for that misery. It has made me a strong and mature woman.