“Wanted for Wanting.” Fiction. Based on a True Superficial Escape.

“I am not the Creator, but a willing partner in the remaking of me.”

-Leanna Glenn Markham

“Wanted for Wanting.”

Fiction. Based on a True Superficial Escape.

By Dorothy England

This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.

I want to live the perfect life
Like the images you see across screens
With dazzling lights
And effervescent glow

I want to be beautiful and
Made up of gold
Shining so brightly that it appears
I have nothing to hide
Beneath a brilliant glare

I want to walk like the air is easy
Beneath the heels I’ve clasped
My feet into
The ones that make me sound
More important than I really am

I want this
I want that
How is it
that I forget what I might need?
What I do
Need

Materialism is a distraction – like candy to my brain
Sweet, tart, colorful
Much like an empty promise
Like the words I hurry off my lips
To something invisible and higher
Than me

I promise my action
In order for action
Does it matter who your god is
If your rules are always the same?
If your shame and pain and worry and disdain
Are always the same?

Does it matter who your god is
If you remember to away from yourself for
Assurance
In a world of
The commotion of consumerism
If you remember to slide a glance away
From the made-up mirror reflection
That’s only skin deep
And not
In deep?
If you remember to search
Outside the colors slanted across your body
Outside the makeup brushed across your face
Outside yourself made by the world

Does it matter who your god is
If it is not a god of materialism
But one of outer realism?

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