But I also worry that if I don’t worry, I will lose a sense of control. A sense of what could be, of what could crash down down like a brick against my head.
By Dorothy England
“Up & Down”
Fiction. Based on a True War I’m Battling.
by Viviany
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
Up
up
up
with the clouds
in a high of joy
that I don’t ever
want to lose.
But a single loss
makes me
drip
and
pour
leaving me empty or overflowing.
Worrying
crying
failing
because life is cruel
and I don’t want to do
it anymore.
Screaming in my car
at spotlights that have
no reaction.
Yet I kept driving
quietly
through the empty streets.
It is surprising
how still things can seem
even when I’m
falling
apart.
Down
down
down
right into the battlefield
where bodies fall.
I am the sound of cannons
breaking the sky open.
I am the war.
But I don’t know
how to
survive.
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