“The shame. The hate. The anger. The pain. The distrust. The disgust. She let it all go. Because if she wanted to survive, she had to.”
Fiction. Based on a True Release of an Internalized Toxic Stew.
By Anastasia Cosima
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
She chose to live. She was tired of merely existing. She was tired of the exhaustion that came with living in the past, holding onto pain, and bearing grudges.
She knew she was worthy, deserving, of life and love, and she was experiencing neither. She subsisted at the mercy of his whims, which he had her convinced was love. Her trauma, past experiences, emotional hunger convinced her this was all she was worth. She was damaged goods. Where else would she find a man who would love her like he does? She had internalized every negative thing he told her. He became the voice of her inner critic.
She prioritized herself for the first time in her life. She acknowledged her needs, listened to her intuition, cleansing her mind, body, spirit, of toxicity.