“Even though we didn’t really have firm ground to stand on, we were able to use this creation to get through the next day.”
Fiction. Based on a True Ambiguous Summer.
All journal entries are inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
You cry in the face of ambiguity. You worry about certainty.
You just graduated college, so you assumed everything would be easier. You would find a great paying job. You and him would have amazing adventures together. You would find the perfect apartment and move out soon. You would be able to easily enroll in your Master’s classes. So far, you’ve applied for over a dozen jobs. Only one got back to you; you completed their test; they didn’t want you. The friends you care about most all started working more, so you hardly see them. He’s working about 90 hours every week. When you do see him, it’s for his 30-minute lunch breaks. You register for your Master’s classes—which shouldn’t be impacted—in a month, and of the two classes you need, one only has a few seats left, and the other already has a waitlist. You stress about your current job as a piano teacher. You work more than you’d like, your boss is terrible to you, and you just wish you could be a writer full time. You just want to have a fun day off and spend time with him for more than his 30-minute lunch break. You are thrilled to start your MFA but are stressed that you won’t get into your classes.
You cry in the face of ambiguity. You worry about the future.
You think about a time before college when you didn’t have to worry about registering for classes. You had to go to school, so you took the required classes. Now that you have the opportunity to take whatever classes you want, you are subject to a late registration date and waitlists—how is that fair? It’s almost as if you’re being punished for desiring to further your education.
You cry in the face of ambiguity. You worry about a home.
You think about the apartments you’ve been looking at for a month now. You just want to find the perfect place to live when you start graduate school. You finally found two potential roommates, but neither of them have been as interested as you in finding a place. You constantly text them options in the price range and set up viewings for the places that seem like good contenders. The girls always find some issue with every place, though. The rooms are too small or the view isn’t nice enough or the reviews online aren’t good enough. You are getting frustrated with them because while you do all the searching, they do all the complaining. They haven’t set up a single viewing for an apartment, while you are working tirelessly to find the perfect home.
You busy yourself by applying for jobs. You spend hours looking for apartments. You constantly refresh the MFA registration page, hoping that other people stop filling up the classes before your registration date. You think about how hard he is working and how much you wish you could enjoy the summer with him.
You know this isn’t forever. You will get hired somewhere. You will find a place to live. You will enjoy your MFA program that you worked so hard to get into. You will see him and get quality time together again. Even though your life seems to be ruled by ambiguity today, you will make it through to tomorrow.