“Often those that criticize others reveal what he himself lacks.” – Shannon Adler

“To Engaged Girls”

Fiction. Based on true envy.

by Amanda Springob.

This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.

When I look at you

Posed so pristinely with your hand on their chest

Smiling in Facebook announcements

Frozen in time

I add you to the list

Of all the girls who got engaged before me.

Another one gone,

Another story that stops here.

I look at the receiver of your hand and ask how long will it be

Before he begins to slowly dismantle your castle

And turn down the fire

Because it was just a little too much for him.

How long will it be

Before you question the things you never used to wonder

And wonder about what might’ve been

If you’d let your leaves grow

Before the branches got snapped.

I want you to be more than a man’s wife

And I’ve seen it done

With more women than one

But so many of you are just so young

I find myself doubting that you’ve found “the one”

Is he really your happily ever after,

Or just comfort covering disaster?

Are you confident that this is love,

Or are you settling for “good enough”?

But when I place costume jewelry on my unclaimed hand

The rage leaves me and I get sad

While I’m questioning everything engaged girls do

I’m secretly wishing to be one too

All the promotions and 401ks

Can’t hold you on the loneliest days

And maybe life doesn’t end at engagement

But I’m still lacking half the equation

So I’ll sit silently behind my screen

Looking at engaged girls and being mean

It’s easier to be bitchy than admit the truth

That I wish I was an engaged girl too.