“Often those that criticize others reveal what he himself lacks.” – Shannon Adler
“To Engaged Girls”
Fiction. Based on true envy.
by Amanda Springob.
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
When I look at you
Posed so pristinely with your hand on their chest
Smiling in Facebook announcements
Frozen in time
I add you to the list
Of all the girls who got engaged before me.
Another one gone,
Another story that stops here.
I look at the receiver of your hand and ask how long will it be
Before he begins to slowly dismantle your castle
And turn down the fire
Because it was just a little too much for him.
How long will it be
Before you question the things you never used to wonder
And wonder about what might’ve been
If you’d let your leaves grow
Before the branches got snapped.
I want you to be more than a man’s wife
And I’ve seen it done
With more women than one
But so many of you are just so young
I find myself doubting that you’ve found “the one”
Is he really your happily ever after,
Or just comfort covering disaster?
Are you confident that this is love,
Or are you settling for “good enough”?
But when I place costume jewelry on my unclaimed hand
The rage leaves me and I get sad
While I’m questioning everything engaged girls do
I’m secretly wishing to be one too
All the promotions and 401ks
Can’t hold you on the loneliest days
And maybe life doesn’t end at engagement
But I’m still lacking half the equation
So I’ll sit silently behind my screen
Looking at engaged girls and being mean
It’s easier to be bitchy than admit the truth
That I wish I was an engaged girl too.