“Well every single day, I’m left to sit and wonder why you changed”
– Julia Price
Fiction. Based on a True Break Up.
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character, or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
You say we just weren’t working, but to me, we were one of the greatest loves of all time. We were two peas in a pod. We were as close to perfect as one could think. We were the same people sometimes, we thought the same way, we wanted the same things and we understood each other better than anyone else.
What a lie that is, I didn’t understand you. Because when you said we were better off going our own way, I didn’t get it. I didn’t get how you could kiss me one day and say we should part the next.
Tell me it was a lie. Tell me you were joking. Tell me it was a mistake. Tell me you miss me. Tell me that you want me back. Tell me you still love me.
Tell me what really happened. Tell me what made you think it. Tell me what made you go through with it. Tell me what I did.
Tell me why you think we’ll be better apart. Tell me why you thought I would be okay with it. Tell me why you showered me with so much love if you knew it wouldn’t last.
Tell me when you changed. Tell me when you became a different person. Tell me when everything changed. Tell me when you stopped loving me.
Tell me how you thought those words then tell me how you said them without breaking down. Tell me how to get over you. Tell me how I stop my heart from wanting you. Tell me how I stop mourning your loss. Tell me how I stop waiting for you to come back.
Better yet, I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you that I’m fine. I’ll tell you that even though I cried multiple days because of you, I won’t let myself shed one more tear. Not for you. Not for us. Us is over. As much as I want to hold on to it, if you didn’t, I won’t either. Even though I’ll never get an explanation or an apology, I forgive you because I owe it to myself to heal and move on. So here I am. Telling you goodbye.