“This is my life and I’m going to do what I love and I’m not going to let anyone else take that from me.” –Larisa Gosla
Fiction. Based on a True Epiphany
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional
When I feel the blame of shame placed inside of my conscience from actions that are not my intentions, it’s someone else’s way to play the game. A manipulative way to scar my veins. On the inside I’m wounded; on the outside I’m inferior. Fading to colorless emotions, all these notions are ruining my devotion. My goals, my ambitions, my dreams are overshadowed and unforeseen. I’m doomed to be a failure, unsuccessful, I’ll never be anything more in this Hell in which I stand. It’s time I make a stand. It’s nonsense to trip over undeserved guilt, but this is the establishment of my own flesh and blood has built. I feel deceived by the people who are supposed to love me the most. I fear I’m going nowhere because I’m sheltered under someone else’s ghosts. A past I did not live is always in my present and affecting my future. It’s this disease of the mind that leaves my psyche frozen in its tracks. I’m sick of crying and feeling like I’m denying the potential that exists inside of my soul. It’s time I move on and start living on my own. It’s you in the beginning, middle, and end. I’m not going to continue to sit back and pretend like this is the path my life is going. I am in control. I’m showing strengths in areas I never thought I’d dare show, but I am wiser if I leave and stronger if I go. I’m tied down and tired of feeling guilty for expressing my true self, this is my nature. Don’t hurt me any longer, just leave me be. Why is it always my fault when you’ve reached the point of insanity? For I know it’s your pain and past experiences that you see, but don’t you see what this is doing to me? My ego is full of pride and it’s this you continue to try and over shine. I will not let you discourage me any longer. It’s time for me to take flight and leave this life behind.