“Still Bleeding” Fiction. Based on a True Desire for Healing.

“We are such powerful creators… I created this depression, and I was too weak to create anything else.” -Josie Bashout

“Still Bleeding”

Fiction. Based on a True Desire for Healing.

By Nikki Wicz

This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255


I am in the middle
Of him, and so he looks
Blurry and broken, but
He is not a puzzle
That I can put back together.

I think I was him once:
Cementing bricks around me
To keep my thoughts from
Spilling out.

But the building took
All my strength, and I spent
All my time laying in
The ramparts of pain.

Imagining him in his pit
Of solitude, is like looking
Into glass shrapnel
From years of broken mirrors.

From the top of his towers,
I will reach down until I feel
Him, until he grabs me back
And pulls me in.

Or throws me out, into
The moat, and even then
I’ll swim back and climb
Past his dragons to ask
If he meant to do it.

Not because I ache for pain,
But because I wish for his healing.
Because he is me, and I am
Still bleeding.

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