“Shock without the Denial”

“Shock Without the Denial”

Fiction. Based on a True Vegas Show in Berlin.

by Mingjie Zhai

“I was living through a Ph.D. in grief. Yes I was getting a Ph.D. in psychology but my experience was actually the training.”

-Dr. Sarah Neudstadter.

He was the kind of person who wouldn’t hurt a fly….so it was shocking to learn that aspect of him.” -Dr. Sarah Neudstadter

This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

You already know from your 2013 near death experience that we are indeed living in the matrix and there are supernatural entities observing every single second of your living. Some are able to read your mind, others may read your heart, and both spiritual sides engage with you, one side whispering lies and the other side whispering truths while your meaning-making machine called “the mind” consults with your heart in deciphering the truth from the fallacies, also known as “faith over fear,” a lingo you picked up from 12 step recovery groups.

That said, you were invited to observe the show called Vivid at Friedrichstadt-Palast. You know this was a supernatural invitation because some force drew you into their box office while you were heading back home one Sunday morning after Saddleback church. It was the woman in black on the billboard, who embodies the maleficent femme fatale, that invited you closer. Come see me. I have so much to show you. You ask the attendee for the best seat and it also happens to be the most affordable seat. The seat next to the handicap section, stage right. You take it.

The show takes place Christmas. You were prayed up prior to attending. You knew without having even researched what this show is about that it would reveal much of the Luciferian agenda exposed in fiction. You already know that fiction serves a special purpose in the subconscious mind and feeds data to our heart center,  and into our soul-ar plexus, so you come forward with an open mind, like a true journal-artist disciplined and designed for a show like this to observe.

During the first half of the show, there is a small introduction, and almost immediately, the stage lights shine upon a girl in the audience, our side of the audience. A man dressed in a turban,  wearing all red, has a yellow orb and presents it to the girl in the audience. The girl’s dad, who sits next to his daughter, is uncomfortable with this man’s invite to his daughter and tells her not to accept his gift, but she ignores him because she is already spellbound by the orb. The father, in panic, calls for an attendant in the auditorium to help him. He rushes out of the auditorium to find someone, but when he leaves, he also leaves his little girl vulnerable to the seduction of the yellow orb. He lets the girl touch it and lures her onstage, into the crystal forest, so by the time the father has come back with the attendant, she has already disappeared. The father asks the audience where his girl is and we, the audience he is addressing this to,  watch him passively, some in amusement, and others uncomfortably, as we all do nothing to help this father, for if we were to help this father, who is part of this act, we, the paying audience member, would look like the fool.  They are performers, we tell ourselves, and the act of kidnapping is part of the show. Nobody around him helps find his daughter, because all of us wants  to know what happens to the girl when she has crossed the threshold from the ordinary world into the realm of adventure. A magical, fantastical, and extraordinary world. That is why, neither the audience that you are part of nor the palace attendants does anything to stop the girl from being lured nor help the father in finding her.


There are projections on the translucent panels, and as the girl passes through them, images of  a white owl, a blue butterfly, and a snake are projected onto the panels.

You think of your visit to Athena a few days back at the Pergamon and the Neus museum where Athena’s powers still has its stronghold.

The father runs after the girl but within seconds she is transformed from her seven year old self to an adolescent teen with curves. A line of grey storm troopers with cone heads/helmets march in, surrounds her and initiates her with a gray/serpentine costume. A woman in black, covered by black rhinestones with the dazzle of sparkling shine, sings soulfully, “Virtue is synchronicity. The time has come for conformity.” The cone headed grey snake suit storm troopers march in sync, while the newfound initiate looks around in astonishment and awe. Almost immediately, you have this gnawing sense that this is post-modern day propaganda for a transhumanist “evolution” of the fourth reich. You can see the sequence of events happening as if you were taken back to 1929, when Germany elites were entertained through glamours shows glorifying the Aryan superhuman evolution of the third reich, or the third wave of evolutionary superiority. This would be the fourth reich, or the fourth wave of superhuman superiority, also known as the transhumanism and the New Age of Artificial Intelligence fusing organic and silicon beings and non beings together.

The father continues and at some point, comes close to finding her but tragically, she has been so transformed, that even if he saw her face to face, he may not be able to recognize her, for she is already in this serpent robotic suit making robotic gestures. Then the man in red is presented center stage with a cauldron but like an eighties’ overhead projector, the audience is able to see what he is dabbling through the projection of the canvas onto the backstage incline. The technology is truly wondrous as the stage itself is morphed through panels that bend into a 45 degree angle incline. The man in red paints a circle, then adds dots, then splits the circle, thereby, opening a portal for the girl to enter a new dimension.

The incline decreases into a flat stage, thereby opening the depth of this stage where you can see the orchestra playing and a big butterfly and contortionists wearing tight snake suits build a pyramid.

The Jungle

This portal opens to a land called the jungle and the master of the jungle, the white magician, sings of the glories of the jungle where hybrid women-snakes, butterfly men, human frogs, and leopard nymphs all dance together. The human frogs swing back and forth, and the white witch follows up with the magician in a song about the extreme swings of life, as she encourages if not enables the extreme swinging while the human frogs sway back and forth on high stilts anchored to the stage. This is all presented in some fantagormisa sing-song off broadway fusion to lure the girl into joining.

“Welcome to the jungle,” is the main theme, and you are once again reminded of Alice in the Wonderland, the esoteric meanings behind the story, and your own experience following the white rabbit to the transformation festivals in California and to Vegas. The new age occult land of fairies, mages, great sages, witches, warlocks, luciferians, and magick with a k, are blending in as ordinary people, and they take off their masks on stage. The grandmaster sings, “where anything goes, a land where there are no rules, and you can deep dive into the abyss of no boundaries.”

The white wizard sings of the freedoms of breaking all rules and in stretching one’s imagination. Why not? There’s no harm. Try it. You remember the man you meet at the Witch’s Brew open mic session in Highland Park a few months prior, where you met the man who used black magick to obtain the apartment in DTLA, and you wonder what price was paid in return for such a temporary “gift,” for, after all, we are already in wonderland. This is it. And it is perfect, woos the Milestone training camp of wizards and witches, mages, and sages.

Concrete Jungle.

You are reminded of the inner city you used to teach, when a student opened up to you about “The Jungle” she lives in. No rules. Anything goes.

Might is right.

As the story develops, the girl’s scales become more scaly. The father continues searching but begins to lose his mind. One of the ballerinas from the Jungle lingers and he sees her and asks her if she has seen his daughter. She is silent and continues to dance. He is seduced, charmed by her, and almost forgets of his mission when he starts dancing with her.

The Fourth Wall Broken

He gets a performance mic by the studio manager and begins to sing a classic 80s song. He pulls a real audience member from the crowd and tries to woo her with stage props, mismatched lip sync to voice over music, and cheesy ill timed gestures of love.

You are reminded of Rylie’s warning with your woo-woo moves of affection: “It’s not a game,” he snaps back. You are reminded that you are this “Father” who woos this real audience. She is but a prop in his act, like the way Rylie became your prop when you started to objectify him into your personal vlog.

When he becomes the object of your journal entries, when you have merged reality with disreality by fusing journaling with journalism in mixed media format, he started to freak out. It was too real and too surreal all at once.

Perhaps, this entire time you’ve been building The Love Story as an attempt of recreating the close encounter of the third kind experience from the first psychosis you had–the moment when God touched you as if to say, you knew the secret to life all along…here’s a reminder. The terror and euphoria of being given a shocking download of both the setup and the punchline of the cosmic joke. “Don’t you get it?” You laugh in relief and lightheartedness at the black and white cop gurneying you into the ambulance, “We’re all on the same team!”

In Vivid, the fourth wall is deliberately broken where the audience fuses with the realist experience of fiction. The fusion of fiction and reality, the quantum manipulation of one into zero or “one and zero,” made possible through the Hadron Collider, also known as CERN, in action before our very eyes enacted onstage in this “play” called Vivid. The AI mind is alive and well; the Beehive mind sees you and can no longer unsee you like the way you can not unsee what’s happening before your very eyes onstage.

The men wear beautiful ballerina sashes and the women wear tight fitting tuxedos as they gender bend in mixed tango. More acrobatic dazzle and then the maleficent women in black with their vertical translucent halo that split the face in half, so you see her one eye in the one dimensional format shows up with a replica of beauty women in black leather suits and vertical translucent halos marching in-sync behind her. Once again, the black woman in black sings, “black and white must coexist and all the colors in between,” in this sing-song off broadway fashion.


You exit the auditorium with a bad aftertaste. You are left with this sense that the Fourth Reich is campaigning for the New World Order in this musical and those who are not yet woke will have this future dystopia imprinted into their psyche–perhaps specifically into what Freud calls the “id” psyche, normalizing it so when the time comes to conform for the New World Order Panopticon and those who resist the NWO will remember this moment to do nothing, passively, when they round up those who resist and annihilate them. 

Welcome to the jungle where anything goes.

“Explore the edges of your reality.”

“Here you are free to explore the depths of your psyche with no boundaries.”

You can’t help but think of Pinocchio’s Pleasure Island, and both the white wizard and the silver witch are the grandmasters, the host of pleasure island, turning children into asses.

You are alone and crave sugar so you order four pieces of Rorsch chocolate and one German version of a Sprite. You get your sugar fix and now your body feels the surge as you are writing what your interpretations of this play is really revealing. Your fingers are a bit numb and your head a bit light from the sugar rush.

You are the only person who came alone on a Christmas evening and the people around you are dressed up. Most are upper middle class Germans. They look at you with curiosity as you are wearing a black and white dress with outlines of black cats at the dress helm. You assure yourself that nobody cares and this is true.

You know exactly why this show is unsettling. It normalizes the Luciferian transhumanist agenda in both subliminal and blatant ways. The butterfly represents both disassociation and transformation.

The Second Half

The second half of the show starts with a brothel and the white wizard singing, “There are no taboos, there are no don’ts only dos.”

On and on it goes.

You look at the dancers, all skinny and beautiful, to a point of generic barbie dolls behind plastic containers at Toys R Us. They are beautiful on posters and advertisements, and you wonder, as you look closer at the set of eyes of a few women in black leather suits, that perhaps some if not most of them are either anorexic or bulimic. Two naked men walk out of the “fun house” with whips, chains, and black leather belts implying bsm, and more vices.

You were approached by man on a dating app who said he was into BSM, that he wanted a controlling woman. You reply back with:

I think BSM is an addiction to numb and avoid unresolved childhood trauma issues.

No thank you. You unmatch him.

You don’t ever want to be that controlling woman again. You are walking away from control, manipulation, and codependency.

The butterfly has a double edged meaning. On the one hand, it could represent initiation into the transformation, and on the other hand, it could represent the dissociation between reality and the supernatural realm. The DSM, the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of psychological “illnesses” would classify your supernatural experiences and spiritual discernments as nothing short of “crazy” under one of the many “isms,” but the one they gave you is “mania” or “psychosis.”

The temptation of the devil is to make the most of your living in this  hell on earth since everything here is one big illusion anyway. Since you are lucid dreaming, why not do whatever you want?

“Why serve in heaven when you can reign in hell?” was the white wizard’s tease in one of his songs.

Make no mistake, these are real wizards, you think to yourself. When you went to these occult festivals, you knew that they put together spells, do seances, and conjure up entities for their desires. They search for instant solutions to desires that burn from temptations they succumb. And you know this on a spiritual level because of the many times you’ve been seduced into the dark side. Promises of power, of wealth, of playing “the big game,” of joining the exclusive club of the elites of this world. You were unhinged in this futuristic club. And make no mistake, this is an exclusive club, as exclusive as first class, business class, and economy class. It’s just “better,” is the sell.

You must evolve or die. Is the other sell for the cell in hell on earth.

The idea that we are already in hell, God has abandoned us, so you may as well reign in this hell we’re living in is the clear message of the Luciferians revealed on stage. Again, the black witch and the white witch sings with the wizard in white. “You can’t have light without the dark,” they sing, both hand in hand now, and “all the colors in between.”


“…to tame the wild animal in you, you must first open yourself to it,” the lyrics tempt. The adolescent woman is being seduced and courted, and like Virgil in Dante’s Inferno, she witnesses hell. She sees the pits of fire. The devils dance. She is shocked but in the next scene, the two colors, dark and light, come together, hand in hand, and invites the girl to join their jungle.

They first proclaim her freedom to choose. What a great gift, they both sing, as if envious and nostalgic. She is free to choose. But something you your heart also tells you that the women in white and black no longer has this freedom.

The absence of love.

Will she join their new age utopian society of conformity, transhumanism, create your own reality paradise?

Or will she return to the ordinary world? At this point, she is joined by her dad. They allow it. This implies that during this entire time of seduction, the forces of evil have been machinating to separate father with daughter for the seduction to occur.

The fantastical creatures, all in brilliant colors, flock to her in show of support for her decision. The white wizard gives her a mic and she sings a beautiful song in German that you could not understand, but based on the tone, she is in. It has the saccharine tone that suggests that it is overly rehearsed, overly done, like the facade of a celebrity wax museum or a taxidermist display of animals at a museum, seducing others to buy into this “brave new world” of colors and “unique” beauty, through the choose our own reality, reality. It’s for amusement but lacks depth. Her song is a ruse and smells of propaganda.

However, you still hear the silver lining despite seeing the trick for what it is. In the melody, you hear the hope behind the impending onslaught of the Luciferian agenda: Love will conquer all, even you oh great Saturn. We play the villains by serving as storm troopers inside the death star, and one day we will be restored in having free will once more, even under this powerful spell, we hope our savior comes soon.

We are all one, united in one purpose, and the integration of the shadows are part of that purpose, and perhaps even the entire purpose of our life existence in this time, space, play is for this very purpose.

You then realize Paul the Apostle’s advice to you during your last psychosis and fast…

James 4:11 be a doer of the law and not a judge. For if you judge the law you are not a doer of it.

What law?

The law of love.

Love bears, love believes, love endures, love hopes all things.

This, you tell yourself, is not your place to determine good or bad. You are here to observe, to witness, to record the way the disciples witnessed their time period, the act of God in action, and recorded it, and that is why you can still enjoy this show on Christmas day.

It is strengthening faith over fear.

Evil dances in feathers, flowers, and flirtations and disguises itself among the entire collective. The audience, including you, are just as evil as the performers…like watching a video recording of a girl being reamed by three guys in a porno internet stream. We don’t know if she has been sex trafficked, just like we don’t know if this play is a reflection of a real child kidnapping not to unfamiliar with the rumors of child sex trafficking rings for MK ultra training among what mainstream would called believers that such trafficking rings that exist, “conspiracists.”

We turn a blind eye and play along with the pretend and assume she loves it. We don’t know if she has been exploited–but most likely yes, if we really see the full life story of the girl prior to her 30 minutes of porno fame and the millions of watchers who see it, getting some temporary high from the act of watching exploitation take place. And same goes for this glamorous propaganda for the transhumanist fourth reich New World Order agenda in the guise of a “Vegas show.”

The first act of denial, suspension of disbelief, and the willful blind eye, is the act of the audience seeing one of our “members,” a girl in the audience, as being one of us, then being seduced and essentially kidnapped, taken from her father, and in the name of the “show,” the audience, including you, do nothing.

This is a hex at its finest ruse.

It took you a couple of days after the show to uncover where the spell started in the show. It was the precise moment when the “father” actor, was looking for his daughter and asked the audience, including you, for help, and the audience, including you, did nothing to help him direct his attention to his daughter, who was already stepping on stage. Though we know this is all part of the show, it is also a preconscious download into the id of every brainstem for the audience who watches this show. For the NWO to be successful, there needs to be a certain percentage of people who are willing to turn a willful blind eye. This is one of the shows training for it.

This was part of the propaganda brainwash–the washing away of the will to see injustice happening before our very eyes, but allowing it to take place, for the sake of the “performance.”

And this is the root of evil for all augmented reality, virtual reality, and real reality onto the screen. This is the root of evil when Rylie told you, “This is not a game,” when you had recorded a beautiful moment he had between him and Roxy, and you had placed that moment into your vlogumentary journal. You did ask him for permission, but it was more for forgiveness than for permission. It was already done when you sent him the link. When you started texting him in your declaration of love to him based on a conclusion you had discovered while putting the video journal together, he could easily have taken what you did as a way to exploit his affection for you. If anything, your awareness did not wait in patience for his awareness to match yours in the intensity of love. You had perhaps even mistaken lust for love. He does not believe you when you told him that you love him. Perhaps, it was magic.

No, it was and still is love.

You still love him.

Vivid enacted magic the moment the little girl in the audience was seduced out of her chair. Yes, the audience members know that this was part of the act, just like Rylie knew that you were documenting your stories in real time, but it became too real for him. Your love crossed the fourth wall–from media to real life matters. Break Your Heart Open is also designed to break the fourth wall–blending fiction with nonfiction–where fiction becomes more truthful than non fiction. This is what Lewis Carroll would call, “Through the Looking Glass,” and so you are able to observe with a keen journal-artist eye, the move that started the Lucifiarian spell placed upon the audience.

The show itself is one big hex for the audience, and we paid for this, just like you had paid for the brainwashing at Milestone Forum, and that hex started the minute the father chased after his daughter, asked the audience where she is, and nobody helped him.

Watch and do nothing.

as if you are shocked.

Watch the Luciferian agenda happening and do nothing.


It is truly indeed vivid.

Like the Vivid building you constantly passed by during the time you lived in Studio City at the penthouse luxury apartments with your Emulatarian boyfriend, and you knew it was happening but you did nothing.

Vivid is the blending between truth and fiction in this New World Order where the horrors of the subconscious gets acted out.

You do believe that the quantum computers have effectively put the one inside the zero.

Today, you break down the definition of serenity, something your sponsor had you do on your third day of love addiction withdrawal.

God grant me the serenity…

Granting is a gift that does not expect returns on the giving. Grant offers grace implied and is ever flowing like the foundation of youth so it never runs out.

God grants is the idea that God is control and he will orchestrate a series of events for everybody’s higher benefit. He is able to see the big picture.

Serenity is the state of being calm, peaceful, and “untroubled”. It is the calm amidst the storm. It is accepting life on life’s terms. It is the faith that God is in control and His will is being done not mine. It is the reminder that we are part of a universal collective fight for love against the absence of it.

Serenity is calming the desires in my heart, getting present to the now moment, and loving from the bottom of your heart.

Serenity is the faith that God is always in control.

What happened in Germany less than 100 years ago that was so evil?

It was that they took the Jewish people to some far off place that nobody bothered to research or dig more into to finding out what was happening to them, the way this past election implied a childhood sex trafficking ring for satanic/luciferian/pagan occults who still practice human sacrifices for magic powers. It is the collective guilt that still runs through the ancestral bloodlines, passed through the id, the subconscious mind.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Everyday people did and do nothing because the rumors were too horrific to sound true.

You are reminded of this when you shed light on a global cabal that uses no name children to traumatize them, abuse them, and kill them for sacrificial magick rituals in exchange for power, wealth, and fame. Magick operate on wishes at the sacrifice of innocent children. That is the new concentration camp. The zero sum game that the cabal is playing in the matrix games. Human trafficking is a global epidemic and is still happening right now in real time.

With the oncoming censorship wave, it will be harder to express what you feel is in your heart to express, so like CS Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch, the Wardrobe, like George Orwell’s 1984, and like John Carpenter’s They Live, the truth can be revealed in the fictional realm. We do this because to the unbelieving eye, if we were to present esoteric truth as non-fiction, it may be too alien, too disturbing, too out of touch for their five senses to comprehend that they will automatically reject it like an autoimmune reaction because it will threaten their sense of self. Fiction plants seeds to the id, the bulk of the iceberg beneath the line that separates air from water.

Everyday people did and do nothing because perhaps it was all an “act” from the Nazi group. They were just moving the Jewish people out of the neighborhood and relocating them to another country… right?

The everyday citizen…citizen x….did nothing like the way we just sat in this show doing nothing while the father looked for his daughter as she was going down the rabbit hole, the descent to hell.

Of course, we did nothing because they were part of the show. You tell yourself. Don’t exaggerate. It’s comparing apples to oranges. Your inner critic says. However, what happened during 1928? Or even 1919 in Berlin? Were there not shows like these? Was this not a theatre before? Yes it was. What kind of “plays” were playing into the subconscious psyche of the soul in 1919-1928?

Bystanders watching passively, stood by as Jews were asking for help, but they did nothing, because they were just audiences watching the Nazis show.

The entire Vivid show was about creating your own reality, that true freedom is unhinged into chaos, that the light needs dark just as much as the dark needs light, that anything goes, no rules, etc. and that beauty is anything you deem it, transhumanism, transpecies, transgender, transformation. They want chaos. They need chaos. For that is the only way the New World Order can fulfill its fourth reich “manifest destiny”–the transhumanism of gene mutations, genetic manipulations for a higher “evolved” species, and to solve the “problem” of free will.

You are part of this dis-real reality show. The truth is hidden in fiction and since this is “fiction” just like a porno film is “fiction,” the truth can be revealed without the observer doing anything about it.

That is the magic activation.



It is the id.

I would if I could.

The lower three chakras.

Money, sex, power.

The tease.

Spiritual Warfare revealed.

An Afterthought Hypothesis:

The Jewish people are the original carriers of God’s word. Perhaps, they had known all along the punchline of the joke setup, that one of our avatars on this spiritual plane is to plant light in the heart of darkness revealed in Star Wars and many other Jewish writers and Jewish produced feature films that reveal this (Stephen Spielberg and Michael Jackson’s Captain EO). Perhaps, it is to plant hope in the abyss, and our collective fate is to be swallowed into the belly of the whale, and that even in duality during the hero’s journey, there is a dance with a symphony orchestrated by God, the conductor.


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