“I am afraid to be stuck, and that makes me very dependent on the opinions of those around me.”
“She’s Afraid of Losing Herself.”
Fiction. Based on a True Lack of self-Regard.
By Anastasia Cosima
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
Her fear of getting stuck, feeling trapped in a relationship is with good reason. Rachael has a fear of getting caught up in the emotional whirlwind, the colossal force that becomes the relationship in which everything in her life revolves around her partner, and everything else ceases to exist.
She finds herself altering her appearance, modifying aspects of her personality, her mannerisms in order to better please her partner. She wants to become the best possible girlfriend without realizing she is gradually erasing herself, giving up parts of herself in exchange for conditional love and affection.
Growing up, she had been taught to place the needs of others above her own. In romantic relationships, she was completely and totally invested, allowing herself to be vulnerable and acutely attuned to the needs of her partner. The sacrificing of one’s own needs is the conditional cost of any relationship, especially a romantic relationship, is it not?