“…there’s something still raw here, still aching, and it makes me wonder if all this was necessary.”
“Running Away at Home.”
Fiction. Based on a True Flight from Reality.
By Leanna Glenn Markham
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
There’s a great secret to life for the unhappy but broke, or ill, or non-adventurous. When pressed hard by grief, frustration, cruel circumstance, even more cruel people, you can simply run away…without leaving the comfort or discomfort of home.
Yes, folks, it’s not that hard. To pack for your escape, you need only a few things: denial, that’s your carryall; blame, as much as you can drag around; earplugs, blinders, nose plug, anything to dull the senses. Those last few can of course, be metaphorical. Loud music. The Internet. Alcohol or a host of other numbing agents work just as well.
Hurry up and wait. Wait for other people to change. Wait for the world to become kinder, gentler, while you remain unchanged. Sit. Look out a window occasionally, perhaps, but avoid interaction.
When possible, judge others without wasting your precious time trying to understand them. Speak out the ugliness that roils within. You may loathe yourself, but why not go the extra mile and loathe one another?
1. Absolutely avoid mirrors. A look at your own pain might infuse you with the delusion that you should do something about it. If you accidentally catch a true glimpse of yourself, dig into your carryall and pull up blame. You’ll experience relief within moments.
2. Do not, by any means, shoulder responsibility for your life. It could damage your ability to haul your carryall of denial. If you find yourself picking it up, drop it, preferably on someone else’s lap.
3. If for some reason your earplugs, blinders, or nose plugs fail you, immediately run for a closet and inhale stale air. Let the darkness come over you, deafening you to the voices of others, no matter how loving.
4. If loving voices persist, despite your best efforts, take shallow, rapid breaths and try to panic. If that fails and you experience a sense of peace, then Heaven help you. In fact, that’s a sure sign that Heaven is helping you.
5. If the presence of Heaven starts to overtake you, drowning out the white noise you’ve created and giving you sweet music, if it’s caused you to drop your carryall of denial, and pick up even a shred of responsibility, if in the space where you held hardness, you sense a softening, then just give up, give in. Stop running.