“The more I tried to like escape or get away, the more I was reminded of her.”
“Remember My Love”
Fiction. Based on a True Relationship that Needed to be Reminded of Their Love.
All journal entries are inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
“I think we’re better off just living our own lives,” he says and my heart crumbles. I get why he’s saying that. We’ve become different people. People that don’t know how to be in a relationship. People that have forgotten to put each other first and want different things out of life. It hurts me deeply. It hurts because I know he’s right. I know we have lost who we were. That doesn’t mean I don’t still love him. I still want him to be apart of my life, I don’t know how I could go on without him. He’s been by my side for so many years there’ll be a hole there now.
I cry. I let him hold me. This may be the last time I ever get to hold him. I know he’ll move on and maybe find a girl that does want the same things he wants, I hope he does. There is nothing more that I want than for him to find the one. I just wish it was me. I don’t know the exact moment things changed, I just remember one day wanting a new dream and him wanting another but our dreams don’t complement each other. He wants a family, I want my career. I don’t want to get married and have kids, and he does. He’s actually rushing for it, which is why I ignore the topic at all, which is when our problems start.
I see the way he looks at babies, and the way he looks at couples holding the baby. I know he wants that, a family of his own. I want one too, just not now. I have a lot to accomplish. Yet he doesn’t get it, he keeps going with the same thing, so I just ignore him. I let him go. I’m sorry I didn’t make him my priority anymore, I chose myself.
We part ways. I know that he holds resentment towards me. I know that was hard for him, but it had to be done. If it didn’t happen now, it would’ve happened along the road. We had to rip out the bandage already. I’m just sad it’s out. We’re really over.
I continue with my life. I do my best at work. The reality is I overwork myself just to have something else to think about. If not, I’ll probably break down and call him, just to have one more night with him. So I use all of my nights working or going out with new friends, friends that don’t remind me of him.
The thing is, everything reminds me of him. I try all these new things but I get the urge to tell him about them. I would tell everything to him. I walk down the street and see couples holding hands and that used to be us. I see little children playing around and I think how much he wants that. I see our favorite things all the damn time. He ruined bacon pizza because now all I think about is how we would fight on who would get the last piece.
I decide to fall into it, the memories. Just because we ended doesn’t mean we had an amazing relationship. We were one of the bests. I go everywhere we would go, our favorite coffee shop, our favorite store, our favorite spot in the park, our favorite restaurant. Then I see him going inside the restaurant. My heart stops. I don’t know if I should acknowledge his presence or if ignore him. I see his sister beside me and she spots me immediately. She touches his arm and he looks my way. A smile appears on his lips and he walks over to me.
“Hi,” he says.
I get up and smile back at him. “Hi.”
“Funny seeing you here,” he says and opens his arms for a hug.
I embrace the hug and hold him tight. He lets me go. “Was reminiscing about the good times,” I admit to him.
He smiles and looks back at his sister. “They were great times. I should head back to my sis, see you around?”
“Sure,” I say and fake a smile. I wanted to hold him for a little while longer but it’s okay.
Suddenly the air feels thinner and I can’t breathe right. I know he’s here and I want to leave. I ask for a take home bag and the check so I can get out of here as fast as I can.
I arrive home and I contemplate looking at old pictures. I just miss him so much. I miss the old us. The ones that were young and looking forward for the future. Now the future looks bleak without him.
My phone pings with his text ringtone (yes I haven’t changed it) and I almost run to it.
‘More great times’ it read with a picture of us in the same restaurant that we just saw each other. I smile to it but tears fall from my eyes.
‘I miss you’ I write. I read it and read it until, forget it, I send it.
An hour passes by and no answer from him. I start working, until I’m so tired my eyes literally start to close by themselves. Then I hear his ringtone and feel wide awake. I pick it up, “Hello?”
“Hi, I miss you too, can I see you?” he says and my heart beats faster.
“Okay, I’ll be at your place in ten minutes,” he says and hang up.
I start to move fast to clean up and try to make myself look presentable.
I hear a knock on the door and I head over to it, I open it to see his gorgeous smile. “Hi,” I manage to say.
“Hi, sorry to be like this is I just,” he stops to look at me. Suddenly his hands are on my waist and his lips on mine. It feels right. We shouldn’t be missing each other, we should be kissing each other as much as we can.
He carries me over to my sofa where he lays us and we do what we do best, love each other.
We’re both lying on the floor, I don’t even know how we got here. He looks at me, “Remind me why I broke up with you?”
I just look at him. I feel the tears coming back. For a moment I forgot of our break-up and everything inside me was whole. Now he’s breaking me apart again.
“Everything reminds me of you, every single thing of my life you were apart of and now everything has a hole,” he says while stroking my arm.
“I know, it’s been the same way for me, I tried to escape you but you were everywhere,” I admit to him and curl up into his chest.
“Don’t escape me, come back to me, I’ll hold off having a family, I can wait,” he says and I look at his face. I can see the certainty in his face.
“We can have a family, I just never understood your rush.”
He shrugs. “Right now, I want you more than a family. If you want to wait, I’ll wait. But promise me something?”
“Marry me,” he says and moves to grab his pants. He takes a little black box out of his jean pocket.
“What?” I ask in disbelief. Tears start falling but they’re not sad tears.
“I had this ring for a while now, I was holding it off for the moment but the moment never came and we just drifted apart, so I broke up with you. My mind is made up though, I know we were having a hard time communicating so I want to communicate now. I want you to have your career, I want my family as well. So we’ll be a little family of two for now, you make the best of your career and when you’re ready, we’ll grow. Is that something you can live with?” he asks looking into my eyes.
I nod my head. Everything reminded me of him. Now I won’t have to be reminded of him, I’ll have him forever.