“Something is not clicking inside of me. It’s like I’m a puzzle, but the pieces have changed shapes, some have even gone missing.”
“Relationship with the Pain.”
Fiction. Based on a True Tale of Learning to Listen.
By Anastasia Cosima
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
There was a dullness to the pain. It took me a while to process the events that transpired, and as I did, the pain changed. As the dullness waned, the sharpness increased, making it all the more difficult to ignore.
The pain was urging me to start listening to my body, and to trust in my own judgement. My body was trying to tell me it needed kindness and nurturing after years of criticism and self-loathing.
So many thoughts, feelings, and emotions began to rise up, and I was afraid of expressing them. I was afraid of losing control, and even more afraid of criticism and judgement.
My relationship with the pain changed. The pain served as a guide, drawing my attention to what needed addressing the most, allowing me to process and release the unbearable emotions which tormented me for so long, haunting me, mind, body, and soul.