“I realize that I am fully living my dreams. It just didn’t look like how I thought it would when I was five years old, so it’s letting go of what my life should look like for me to be “successful.” -Larisa Gosla
Fiction. Based on a True Purging of Pent-up Feelings
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional
“Just chill out.”
It all came to a head after that. You felt disrespected in that moment and treated like a child.
The feelings of loneliness and resentment about feeling forgotten and overlooked just built up. It simmered in you over the weekend. You sent out your newsletter, full of feelings and didn’t let it sit.
So, Monday you had to confront the consequences of your rashness. It was good and but, but ultimately necessary. You know you should have been more open with how you felt, but you weren’t at that stage yet until you burst.
You didn’t think you could trust the person you spoke with to hear your heart and make you feel validated and heard. You pushed yourself into a corner of lies and self-criticisms. The cage of your own making, your cry for help. And not everything they said settled in your heart and made you feel good, but it was necessary.
What’s necessary isn’t always comforting.
You didn’t realize how much gunk had built up, how sticky your heart had gotten. The darkness had come in again and it wasn’t until you shone a light on it that you realized how messy things were inside. It had to all erupt and splatter across the walls for you to see the problems. Your body had to purge and throw up all the negative things you put into it for you to feel weak and empty so you could be filled again.
It wasn’t fun. It was exhausting. It was the breaking point.
But now it’s time to pick up the pieces and fix them.
The days are still hard, like walking on wobbly legs after a weight’s been lifted.
It’s moment by moment, taking it day by day. You’re not at the end yet, but you know there will be an end where you come out stronger.