Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.
– Newt Gingrich
Fiction. Based on a True Story of Hard Work.
by Chelsea Wolfe
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
We’re told from a young age that when we want something, we must work for it. Hard work is the only way to get us to where we want to be, no matter the circumstances that may come your way. Remembering the days when you used to use any excuse to not do the work needed to keep moving forward, creates a sense of muddled feelings. You’re better than that now, but sometimes the overwhelming feelings that come with doing what needs to be done is exhausting.
Sometimes you wish you could go back to the days where you’d take any excuse to stop working. To just be lazy and selfish by only thinking of yourself. Now your thoughts are all over the place. You have to think about your children. You have to think about your husband. You have to think about keeping the house clean, and your pets and your plants and the rest of your family. And then finally are you allowed to think about yourself.
What is it you want? You used to have dreams. You still have them, you still want them. You’re still working towards them. It’s a slow process. Slower than you would like because it’s slower than it would have been years ago if you had just done the work earlier instead of using any excuse that came your way.
Now doing what needs to be done for your dreams has to come after everything else. It’s late nights, early mornings and restless nights. It’s drinking more coffee throughout the day than eating food. It’s coming home from a long day at work just to get started on more work. It’s reading your homework to your kids as bedtime stories because it has to get done sometime. It’s burning dinner accidentally because you’re writing fiercely and if you stop, you’ll lose your ideas. It’s a constant battling feeling of the pressure pushing down on you as you push back to keep moving.
Laying in bed feeling exhausted, you feel the weight of the day on your body leave as you prepare for a few precious hours of sleep. While your body starts to relax, you run through everything that needs to be done tomorrow. You make a mental list of the new ideas to add to your list, first things for everyone else and then for yourself. As you start to drift into unconsciousness you smile. Your body and mind are relaxed enough for the overwhelming feelings to dissipate for a little while and you can’t help but feel like you’re doing it. You’re getting somewhere. One step at a time, sometimes two. It’s progressing as slow as a baby learning to walk but it’s still happening. Tomorrow will bring you another step or two closer. And so will the day after that.
You let your mind turn those thoughts over and over until everything disappears until you wake up, where you’ll start it all over again.