“You are dodging deadlines, the slowest bullets in the world and still somehow getting hit over and over and over again.”
“Nothing Is Set In Stone”
Fiction Based on the Card-The Priestess/Oracle Moon Card
by Giovanna (TheSubconsciousMystic)
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character, or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
Something about the cards and quote I picked are nagging me, like I can’t put my finger on it. No, I’m lying, I think a part of me knows. I just don’t like it. It brings up this old feeling, this feeling like I missed out on who I was supposed to be. Like I missed the boat or failed some test or something. Like I’m on the wrong timeline. Every time I think of the idea of parallel universes, I think of this other me who did it, and I fucking hate her. I am so jealous of her. I fucking hate these feelings and the “Nothing is set in stone” message makes me feel like it is possible to get back to that alignment. I actually hate feeling this, this hope, this fear of hope. I want to be able to accept who and where I am now.
And yet weirdly, I am aware that something about me is changing. I am seeing myself in everything. In people, in thought-forms. I am seeing everything as a projection of me. I don’t know if I like it sometimes. Perhaps it wouldn’t bother me so bad if I could change it once I became aware, but for a long time, it’s become another aspect of my awareness of hell consciousness. Being able to see who you are reflected back to you and still be trapped in the mental thought patterns that created it. I guess that’s why I got obsessed with lucid dreaming. I figured if I could change things in the dream realms, in my subconscious, then I would see that reflected back in my life. But of course, when I start trying, I lose the ability.
I feel as though I am so close to the answer, so close that it’s actually making it harder to see it.
I dreamt of the world ending last night, twice. The first time it was going to end in a flood and the second was like a bomb or something. I think it means that the parts of my psyche that need to die and transform are actually happening and the dream is reflecting that. Hopefully. I need to break free. I am more than my programing. I chose a new program. I create my own program. I create who I am. This is the mantra of the new, my new paradigm.
I wonder if the pandemic is a recalibration of the consciousness of people, something is changing. I feel stronger in myself today, like I felt yesterday. I am trying to let go of the fear of losing it. It feels fragile still, like some strong gust of wind could topple me over. I know that fear is one of the last challenges, perhaps the last challenge in creating my new self. It’s like a ghost that lives inside my body.