“If my body could speak, it would tell you all the times I’ve manipulated it into thinking it was okay.”
“Moments Etched in Time.”
Fiction. Based on a True Encounter with Misplaced Shame.
By Anastasia Cosima
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
Why do I keep treating my body the way others treat me? Why do I ignore the messages my body is trying to communicate to me? Does it feel dangerous to listen? I deny, suppress, and minimize so many unpleasant emotions. No wonder I am often so exhausted and in excruciating pain. So long as I carry misplaced shame nothing can ever change.
What if I am still considered the problematic one? The one who brought all this upon herself? All these years later and I am still afraid of being judged, hearing “I told you so”. I did whatever I could to avoid hearing those words, including staying in unhealthy relationships and engaging in self-destructive behavior. I have so many regrets, so many things I am ashamed of. Those experiences, moments etched in time, are rightfully mine to carry, my crosses to bear. The rest, I release.