“I think that’s one thing relationships can do to you…be able to have to regain my self identity again and composure and maintain a sense of self-love, rather than needing it, a void to be filled somewhere else.”
Fiction. Based on a True Awakening.
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
by Mingjie Zhai
You have finally awakened.
Once you see, you can’t unsee it.
In 2013, God delivered your answer.
You had asked him, “Why are we here?”
He revealed it for you.
You were euphoric.
So euphoric, you were shouting at the black and white cop who was gurneying you into the ambulance during your psychosis.
“HAHAHAHA, it’s a big JOKE!” You yelled. Everything that exists here will be but a spec, God’s exhale, and God will inhale us back. There goes our existence here.
This is not it.
This is the matrix. The test is love. The test is the people in my life.
It was what my soul was calling out for. What was the point of living? You had asked God right before you were going to end your life.
And while Jesus and the archangels intercepted for your soul when the cops came just in time to fight with you for your life, God had revealed to you the point.
He gave you flashes of everything being built and destroyed, and if it’s not color, it’s shape; if it’s not shape, it’s texture; if it’s not the texture, it’s some other random arbitrary words that will make one human being feel better than the other. We’re all the fucking same. You realized how silly it was to compare and fight over money, clothes, and things that have no sustenance when you leave this dream.
You later learned that you could create yourself.
Knowing this truth, the wise man asked her, “Why are you creating yourself to be weak and sick?”
Yes, Lord of this World, that is what you chose.
It’s because you were commanded to chose this identity.
1 Corinthians 9:19-24
You chose to walk the higher path of illumination by submitting your will to Jesus–Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
You submit your will to the Holy Trinity.
You are the goat transformed into an Aquarius
You are the pig transformed into a mighty boar.
You are the caged bird transformed into a phoenix.
You choose to be the “sick” girl to serve as mirrors for those who are choosing sickness.
You choose to be the “weak” girl to serve as mirrors for those who are choosing weakness.
You choose to be awakened because you are commanded to love.
You choose to act like you are asleep for the duration that God wants you to be while you are awake.
You are lucid dreaming.
Questions for God on how to play this game:
How do you lean into the shadows without making the shadows wrong? How do you show compassion without being sucked into the black hole? How do you transform the pain without the risk of manifesting it?
Transforming the clashing cymbal and the loud gong into being love manifest.
You must harness your opened chakra energies…they are all open now.
You must control it for a world who still have their masks on.
You must know how to take your own mask off, but you may have to put it on for the mission so that you may show others how to take theirs off.