“One of the most heartbreaking relationships for me was not when I had my heart broken but when I broke someone else’s heart”
By Weston Smith
Fiction. Based on a True Relationship That Could’ve Been.
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
I’m sorry. I know you said sorry countless times in our … whatever we were, but I never did. I’m saying sorry now though. It may be a little overdue, but I have to say it.
As much as I wanted to put the blame on you, I know it was my fault. I let you go. Actually, no. I pushed you away. You tried and you tried to be in my life and every single time I found a fault in you, to push you away. I guess I was scared. You see, I had never been given so much attention from a boy. It was strange to see how interested and invested in me you were. I was scared of feeling overwhelmed. I’m sorry I was scared of my feelings for you. As much as I wanted to repress them, as much as I’m still trying to repress them, they’re still there.
I miss you so much. You are one of the greatest men I have ever met. You were so attentive, every little detail I would tell you, you always remembered. Every worry I had, you somehow made it go away. You managed to make me laugh even when I didn’t want to. When I wanted to talk, you let me talk. When I wanted to do my own things, you let me. You showed interest in my interest. You knew I loved to read, so even though you knew nothing about books you still asked. You watched the series I watched. You took an interest in my life.
You tried so hard to make things work and I didn’t try at all. I know that if I did, we would’ve made it. We would probably be together and so happy. I guess I’ve always been self-destructive. I told you that once and you told me I didn’t need to be. I still was though and I destroyed a great relationship.
You’re married and having a child and I’m still here thinking about you, but I wish you all the best. As much as I wish your best was me, I know I’m not. However, I’m not writing to be your best, I know I messed up. I’m writing because you deserve a sorry I never said. You deserve to hear my words and how great you are. I wish you nothing but happiness because you deserve it all. You really do.
I’m sorry I never gave you the chance you deserved. I’m sorry it took so long to say I’m sorry and how I really was feeling. I always said I wanted honesty, but I guess I was the one being dishonest.
Anyways, I’m happy for you. I wish you a lifetime of happiness and lots of love.