“You are creating your own identity and you are creating your relationship to the universe and to God and experiencing that.” –HOTTMT

“Identities of Change”

Fiction. Based on a True Growth

By Charlotte Thomas

This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional

It was a hot day in August of last year when my life changed forever. I was in a town I had never experienced before, and at a school I would be living at for the next four years. The dorm looked the nicest it was going to all year. I watched as my mother’s Jeep rolled away, on its way down the four-hour drive back home. I knew she’d be crying a bit that night, if not before. She did for both of my older siblings.

I allowed her to believe I was excited to finally be on my own, but on the inside, I was really terrified. I had no idea if I was even ready for a big step like this. My life was about to be different forever, but it was far too late to turn around now. The tuition had been paid, and I had my schedule all worked out. But that didn’t stop me from wishing I could be more mentally prepared for this moment.

I had been the same person for 18 years, and I wasn’t sure I would be ready to become someone else, slowly but surely. I knew who I was, and what I wanted to be. I felt that I was so sure of everything around me–the people, the buildings, the environment. I thought I wasn’t ready to be thrown head-first into the unknown and be expected to land on my feet.

But here I am, almost a full year later. Perhaps I stumbled a bit on the landing, out of inexperience. But from down here at the end, I can see that hardly anyone makes it perfectly, and many don’t make it to where I am at all, and even just getting here on my own is worth celebrating. And from here, I can tell that my trip isn’t over. There are more turns, and I can’t quite see them yet, but I’m sure that as I grow like I have been the past nine months, I can work through it.

The changes I went through were not something to be afraid of. I was scared that I would be too different to come back, and have it really feel like home. They have made me better than I used to be. And more drastically than I could have imagined. But now that they’ve happened, I’m happy with the person I am now. More independent, more confident, more capable, and more mature.

Sure, many of my changes came from hardships faced over the year, but given the person I am today, and the things I’ve learned on the way here, I wouldn’t trade them away so easily.

I may not have landed perfectly, and I have a long way to go in my future, but I am ready for my hardships I will face.