“Be Who You Want to Be.”
“I Wanna Be Me”
Fiction: Based on a True Wish for the Future
by Suzanna T.
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character, or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
I wanna be one of those good, ole, praying mama’s with a twinkle in her eye, and a song in her heart.
I wanna be a loyal lover and a skilled fighter.
I wanna be a soul stirrer, a wisdom teacher. I wanna be able to make lemon meringue pie and banana pudding that tastes just like my mother’s.
I wanna stop saying that I’m old. In reality, I’m only in my early thirties.
I wanna tell myself I’m beautiful and actually mean it.
I wanna be a shepherd over the people and the artifacts that I’ve been blessed with.
I want a career that I love, that definitely loves me back.
I wanna be in shape–not for size, but for strength.
I wanna get up every morning at 5:30, exercise, and cook breakfast for my children.
I want close to perfect teeth so that I can eat all the candy that I want and mess them all up again.
I want a minivan because I have a lot of people to transport from here to there and back again.
I wanna learn how to take a compliment.
I wanna have a perfect spine and be physically able to stand up straight so that I can be as tall as I feel.
I want manicured toes. Not fingernails though. I could care less about my fingernails.
I wanna build my parents a new house because it’s time for one, and they deserve it.
I want a cigarette. But…I wanna make up my mind to stop smoking.
I wanna be grateful…rain or shine.
I don’t wanna be forgetful anymore.
I don’t wanna be tired anymore.
And if I’m being completely honest…I don’t wanna be poor anymore.
I want enough energy to get me through my day. I don’t want it to come in the form of a drink or a pill, but instead, let it come from my spinning chakra wheels.
Really, I just wanna be me.
Hunchback, old, tired, poor, imperfect Me. Already praying adamantly with a twinkle in my eye and a song in my heart.