“One of the most heartbreaking relationships for me was not when I had my heart broken but when I broke someone else’s heart”
By Weston Smith
“I need to be me”
Fiction. Based on a True Self Discovery
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
I let you go. It was me. I broke us up. I never thought I would be the one. I just needed time. I love you so much that I would make a life with you, right now. I would drop out of school and follow you anywhere. I would make all the sacrifices for you. But that’s the thing, I want a life for me before I can create one with you.
We’re so used to each other we don’t know how to live without one another. We met when everything was new and exciting; now we’re grown up and it’s consuming me. Everything that is mine is yours too and I need my own things. I have lost myself in you.
I know you hate me. I wanted to explain why my decision, but the look on your face made me resent myself. I will always love you. You were my first love, I was sure you’d be my only. However, I want to be my own love for a while. I feel lost in this world without you, and I need to find my own place.
Sometimes, I hold back to let you be you. I’m not sure who I am anymore without you. I hold myself back. I’ve been holding back for too long and I’m losing myself. The thing is that if I let go, I’ll be holding you back and I know you would definitely hold back. I don’t want you making sacrifices for me. I would do them all for you, but you deserve more than being held back. As do I.
It’s between losing myself or losing you. It was the hardest decision of my life. I love you, but I need to love myself too.
I was afraid that if we continued like that, I would have grown to resent you. I don’t want to resent you. I want you to have your life and I’ll have mine and one day, we can meet again and pick up where we left off. I don’t think this is our ending, I really don’t think so. I just need a break to be myself.