“You go from this static feeling of just overwhelming love for somebody to just feeling triggered and abandoned.”

– Dan Vega

“I Miss You”

Fiction. Based on a True Love that I Miss.

By Gracie

 

This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character, or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.

 

I miss you in more ways than one.

I miss your hair and the way I would curl my fingers into it.

I miss your big brown eyes and how they would look at me and shine.

I miss the scar beside your nose. I miss how I would touch it, and you’d hate it.

I miss your mustache and how I would say it was starting to bother me and you always said you weren’t going to shave it, but the next day you didn’t have it anymore.

I miss your lips and the way they moved; on my lips, on my body, but also what they spoke.

I miss how they spoke about me, about your family, about the world.

I miss your words, they were so optimistic and loving.

I miss your neck and how I would wrap my arms around it when you picked me up.

I miss your arms and the stillness they gave me.

I miss your chest where I used to lay and just hear your heartbeat.

I miss your heart, your loving heart. You loved in such a different way.

I miss your hands and how they would move through my hair or how they would grab my face or just how they felt in mine, so much bigger, but fit so perfectly.

I miss your body and how it would make me do things I never thought I’d do.

I miss your voice, and how just a simple ‘hey’ from you made me smile.

I miss your smile. Damn, do I miss it. It made me feel so alive.

I miss your laugh. I would move mountains just to hear your laugh.

I miss your humor. I would laugh at everything you did because I genuinely found it funny. Even in the worst situations you always managed to make me smile.

I miss how social you were. You talked to everyone, making sure everyone was noticed and didn’t feel left out.

I miss your security in yourself and in me. You were so sure we would make our dreams come true.

I miss your aura. Just being around you made the world seem safer.

I even miss your dark self and how it would hold on to me for dear life.

I miss how we talked like we were just best friends talking about our day.

I miss the way you made me feel.

I miss feeling you.

I miss the way you challenged me.

I miss the person that I was with you.