“If you surrendered to the air, you could ride it.”

by Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon

“I Am Listening to My Therapist More Often”

Fiction. Based on a True Battle with Myself.

by Noah Taylor

This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

I am listening to my therapist more often. I am trying to get everything I need to be done before I start smoking weed, and it’s not as hard as I thought it would be. I am laying on my couch, listening to music in Unit 233. The repetitions of the number three have been really apparent ever since we moved, and if I am not mistaken in numerology that means good luck is heading our way. I look for signs of good luck and prosperity everywhere I go these days. It’s not because I don’t have enough of it, rather I am always needing more. This life is too unpredictable. I gaze out the window, and three fourths of the view is consumed by a large tree that was once green. Its leaves are turning yellow, and its swaying restlessly in the wind.

When we first moved in, I would look out the window at the tree and be alarmed at how different it was from any tree that existed in Flagstaff. I would instead listen to the honking of horns, the revving of engines, and the shouts of people from the street below. All my privacy had been stripped from me, and was replaced with the foreignness of this city. It’s been five months since we moved, and I don’t hear the noise from the street anymore, and the tree is something comforting and familiar to look at as the sun shines down on me. I still have anxiety that sends me into weeping fits after an hour of driving, and dread putting myself out of my comfort zone to meet new people. But at least my home has become my sanctuary in six months.

I am trying harder on my outfits, and enjoy putting makeup on again. I do at least an hour of self-care a day, and have put healthier boundaries around the length of time I am allowed to sleep and read. I am far more productive and confident than I thought I would be. I am certain that I will continue to grow exponentially in those categories over the next year, and I am excited to see how.