“I didn’t want to be weak. I didn’t want to say that I have trauma or something worse…”
“Hooked on Feeling”
Fiction. Based on a True Journey of Feeling Too Much
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
You think you feel too much. You resonate with the emotions of others to the point where they become your own. You absorb them and they weave themselves into your own heart. Over and over you do it, let your empathetic nature take over to relate and comfort others. You ride the swells of emotions only to come down once it fades, leaving you drained.
It seems like the more empathetic you are, the more people rely on you. Every pent-up feeling and heavy burden gets piled onto your shoulders until you are struggling to stay afloat amidst all the venting. You want to hear what’s on their hearts, but you feel like a water-logged sponge afterward with no one to wring you out.
Sometimes you wish you couldn’t feel so much. That you could let emotions wash over you like water rather than having them sink in so deep. That you didn’t take things so personally. That you didn’t overthink everything until you think yourself into a sickness. Sometimes you wish you wouldn’t get swept up in it all. But you can’t be numb, and you can’t cut your heart out.
But changing that would be removing a part of yourself—a part that makes you who you are. You see the story within the song, riding the crescendos and climaxes of the music. You resonate with the powerful moments of movies to the point where you get choked up. It helps you see the world in a different light. You are who you are for a reason.