“GOD is Love; In order to experience Love you have to be open; Love Takes Courage, in order to experience it, you must invite it in.”

—Antonique Smith


By MimiJ

This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.

Love takes courage, so in order to experience it, must you invite it in? What if you invite the wrong love in? What if you invite lust in that is dressed up as love? I want to believe that you are love, I want to believe that you mean well for me, because GOD is love, right? Can GOD’s love be compared to that of a human? GOD is the love that I escape to, the Love that I find myself opening and closing to all the time. Love, you knocked on my door, I opened it but you walked in without me saying come in. Now I don’t know if you are this love that forces themselves into my house of heart, or the love that just wants to make me stop and listen. I look at you with hopes and prayers that you are real and true, but how do I know? I have already mistakenly let in disappointment and lust with the hopes of feeling it was you, but they revealed themselves to be false. So many imposters have come; so many look alike, talk alike, and walk alike, but I always sit and realize, they are not you, they are not Love. I look for this GOD of Love in a human form but does it come in a human form at all, or is it just a higher entity that I will never see? Is Love as great as GOD, and I’m looking for this powerful figure, or has love always knocked and I never saw it for its true size, thinking it was bigger and more obvious? Love, how will I know its you? Do you come and go like a thief in the night, or are you one that stays for a life time? Do you love and lose and love again? Am I the love that needs a door to knock on rather than me waiting for love to knock at mine? Love, we need to talk, these are questions I need to understand so I can tell pain he can leave now, for pain seems to be the only company that I can keep these days. Love, you haven’t been around in so long that I don’t even think I will recognize you when you come. Please, give me a sign, let me know it’s you, let me know so that I can tell pain we are through.

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