“You can have a lot of people that are your friends but I want people to listen, I want to listen too. I want to build a friendship where it’s like also a family.”

– Unknown

“Friends?”

Fiction. Based on a True Fake Friendship

by Gracie

This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character, or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.

My phone beeps with a text from Daniela. It reads ‘huge party at the club, pick you up at 10pm?’ I look at the time. It’s 8:37 pm on a Wednesday. I have to work tomorrow but I can go and leave early, just for a little while. I’m only young once. I should enjoy it while I can. 

I text back an ‘okay’ and start getting ready. 

My friend knocks on the door. I look at her, she’s gorgeous as always.

“Hi girly girl,” she says and hugs me. I can smell alcohol on her. 

“Have you been drinking already?”

“Just like three shots,” she giggles and lets me go. 

“Give me the keys. I’ll drive,” she rolls her eyes but hands me the keys. 

We arrive at the club and in the line we see all of our other friends. We head to them and greet everyone. I didn’t think that a club would be so full on a Wednesday, but here we are.

~ 

I didn’t really drink. I was worried my friends would all be too drunk to drive back to their house so I made sure one of us was okay. Thank God I did because all of them were drunk and I spent all of my morning driving everyone to their homes. 

I arrive at mine and look at the time, 4:39 am. If I go to sleep I might not wake up when I have to go to work. I’ll just go ahead and start my morning. 

I shower and get dressed. I make myself the strongest coffee possible and head to work. I’m there before most of the people. I’m surprised there are people here at all. I sit at my desk and get started. 

Around 9:30 am my eyes start to close. I get up and head to get a coffee with extra shots of espresso. It does not work. It’s the middle of the day and I’m literally falling asleep sitting down. I decide to just leave, say I wasn’t feeling well. 

I arrive at my apartment and fall asleep instantly, with the same clothes I had at work, even the shoes. What wakes me is the sound of my phone, someone is calling. I get up to get it out of my purse. 

“Hey! Raph is throwing a little get together to celebrate some work thing he got,” the voice says. It’s Daniela, again. 

“Did he get promoted?” I ask her.

“To be honest I don’t really know. He just said he wanted to celebrate.”

I think about it, it isn’t to a club or anything. It would be celebrating a friend.

“Sure,” I answer. 

~ 

The little get together is actually a little studio filled with fifty people. It’s worse than a club. I finally spot Raph and head to him. “Hi, what are we celebrating here?” I ask him. 

“Oh, nothing major. I just finally got my own office,” he says. 

“That’s major, it’s your own space,” I smile at him and hug him. 

He grabs me a shot and hands it to me. I’m still recovering from last night, but what’s one going to do? 

After three shots I decide to go home. Daniela gets annoyed with me and Raph doesn’t even care. I head out and neither of them cares. 

It’s the weekend and none of them have texted me or anything. I’ve seen their social media so I know they’ve been hanging out and just not inviting me. I text Daniela to see what’s happening tonight and she doesn’t respond. I just want someone to talk to. Things are stressful at work and with my family. Maybe I should just appear at one of the clubs that Daniela is at. I look up her last post, which was 3 minutes ago, the time that I texted her. She’s at the same club as last Wednesday. 

~

I spot her instantly. She looks at me and smiles. She waves for me to come over. 

“I’m so happy you’re here, I didn’t invite you because you’ve been such a party pooper lately,” she hugs me. “These are my friends,” she says and presents strangers that I’ve seen on her social media. 

“I really needed a night out. I’ve been having work problems,” I say to her. 

“Blah blah blah, let’s dance,” she says and pulls my arm to the dance floor. 

We sing, dance and drink all night. When it’s 3 am I start to lower my energy. I want to leave but I know she’ll get annoyed at me again. So I push through it. 

I start to feel the alcohol coming back up, I rush outside to get some air and puke all over the sidewalk. I call Daniela and no pickup. I text her and wait for 15 minutes and nothing. She doesn’t even care if I’m here or not. I grab a taxi and head home.

I sit on my couch waiting for a text from Dani, just to see if she even worries that I’m not beside her. But I fall asleep and wake up with nothing.

I go out with my family, to forget the horrible night I had. 

A text finally arrives, but it’s 8:34 pm and she wants to go out. AGAIN. 

I ignore her. I receive a call also but I don’t pick it up. If she can ignore me after leaving a party, I can ignore her as well when I don’t want to go.

Friends are much more than just going to a club and getting drunk. Even if what we do is go out and drink, the least we can do is look out for each other. I always did. That is not the case though, so I’m done with it. Friends are people you choose to be in your life, unlike family which is just given. I won’t choose a person who has no intentions of being real with me.