“It was a constant battle with myself, with wanting to have that love back. And then the other part of letting go.” –Jessica Dinh
Fiction. Based on a True Motivation to Fight Back
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional
People forget that you are a floodgate, capable of holding back a lot, but also capable of spilling out raging torrents when the levels rise too high.
You are a storm and the calm breeze that follows.
There is a raging fire capable of razing and stoking embers.
You have a fierceness that can fight those who cause harm and fight for those who are being harmed.
You have kindness to listen to tears and empathize with brokenness.
You know you are capable of creating so much and have created worlds others can’t comprehend.
Yet, you know what broken pieces are in your soul. You cradle them and are cut by them. You know the ashes they sit in and the dark corners that others don’t see. You know are aware of your capabilities but feel the emptiness when you come to the end of yourself.
There are lies you listen to that sound like comforts, blocking out truths until you are drowning in the filth you let build up.
You know that not everyone can handle brokenness and emotions—your brokenness and emotions.
Not everyone is willing to stand in the fire with you or stoop down into the mud you’ve fallen into you. Not everyone hears your howl for help and comes to your aid.
That is the greatest pain of all: not being accepted, faults and all.
Feeling powerful and helpless, ready to fight and ready to break, breathing and also drowning.
Who can understand the complexities of your heart when you don’t understand them yourself?
Who can handle the tears and the laughter?
Who is that pack that will adopt you when you’re all alone?
There is the pain of dealing with yourself and the pain of others’ rejection of who you are and who you’re trying to become.
In the darkness, when you finally face the shadowy strongholds of your heart, you grip your weapons and turn on the source of pain. The stronghold needs to fall, but you aren’t strong enough to do it on your own. Words of encouragement, reminders of who you are, armor to clothe yourself in, and ultimately a weapon that can cut through the strongest chain. A whisper that grows into a roar, one that’s louder than the lies. Yield where you need to yield and stand firm when you know truth is being challenged.
Remember your voice to fight when you need to wage war and to use words of encouragement when things need to be assuaged.
Have a peaceful spirit when you go to battle, not to harm others but to fight against that which seeks to destroy the soul.
Meek and mild but with a lion’s roar.
It’s round after round, blow after blow. Three wars on all sides: world, darkness, and yourself. You will fall, but will you get back up? Where does your power come from? What is your source?
Better find out, because it’s time to fight.