“All of a sudden everything became beautiful, like everything stopped and everything was just two souls loving each other and all there was, was just love.”
“Falling or Flying”
Fiction. Based on a True Realization of What Being in Love is.
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character, or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
Before meeting you life was such a routine. It was not anything, it was just life. Every day was the same. I was so tired and numb because it was the same. Everything was so gray, so bland. I was just living because I had to, not because I really wanted to.
Then I met you and since that first day, every cell in my body awakened. You sparked something in me. You made me see life in a totally different way. You talk about all these different things you want for yourself and I want them too, with you. I want to be as enthusiastic as you. I gave you a chance, but most importantly, you gave me a chance too.
You made such a difference in my life. I’ve become this person that I love. The way you cherish me made me want to cherish myself. You make everything seem so much better, so full of color and light. It sounds cliche but you know what? Love is cliche. Love… When I think about love, you come to my mind. Does that mean I love you? Am I falling in love with you? What exactly does that mean? What even is love? I have felt love before but with you it’s so different. It’s like I literally cannot do anything without you in my mind. Joy radiates inside of me whenever I’m with you. I feel safe with you. When I’m not with you my body physically aches for you. I anticipate the hours we’ll get to spend together.
I thought falling in love would be hard for me, but you made it so easy. You made it seem like my whole life was meant for this exact moment. All my other relationships were preparing me for this type of love. I was waiting for this exact type of love to fall into.
It’s called falling in love because that’s exactly what you do… you fall. You fall into an empty space. I say it’s empty because you don’t know what you fall into. It can be real love, fake love, vulnerability, strength, it can be… so many things. When one falls you feel a rush of adrenaline, the need to scream. You may feel fear or even excitement, but it’s still a little scary. Will it hurt when I get to the ground, will I be okay, will it be hard? I don’t even care if it does. You are worth the hurt.
Love is so complex. Love is a struggle. Love is pain. But it’s also happiness and hope. Once you have it you have to work to keep it. I will love you as much as I can now. The thing is, I don’t want to fall in love with you. I want to fly in love with you. I want to reach for the stars, feel excited and feel like I can look down and enjoy the view. I don’t want this to fall apart, I want this to be strong enough to withhold anything life throws our way. If it ends, well, I gave it my all. But I’m ready for the commitment, I’m ready to fall, fly, whatever. As long as it’s with you.