“I was up at night, constantly thinking about what I could have done and try to relive the past.”—Jessica Dinh
Fiction. Based on a True Time Being Called Disturbed
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional
Those words you said about me, they still ring in my brain at night.
That I’m a disturbing person.
You hurtled such a horrid, black word at me. It stuck. And what’s worse is that you told others that I was disturbed because of your misconception of me.
Was it because I let my soul drip out in my writing? Was it because those raw displays of my heart scared you?
You don’t even know me.
So how dare you.
I hate that you would try to break me down like that.
And I hate that for a time I actually believed what you said about me. I hate that you had that power over me and my image of myself.
But I take your word and throw it back, toss it into the flames.
Because you don’t know me or the struggles I’ve dealt with. You don’t know how my writing works or see me for who I am.
You’ve only seen my night self and haven’t seen who I am when the dawn rises.
I’m sorry your warped perception of me would lead you to say something untrue about me and that the darkness used that to create a divide amongst others and within myself.
So, I’m taking your word and laughing at it. If this is disturbed, then fine. I’ll show you what this disturbed person is capable of, how I will rise above the strongholds of hurt and the fired arrows and keep going. I’ll bear my scars, and I know how far I’ve come and what I’ve endured to get here. I’m not perfect but those imperfections and hard lessons have shown me how to grow. I know what is renewing me daily and who accepts me and my failures. I know the one who loves my soul, dark corners and all.
Here’s your word back because that’s not me.