“Build your own world.” –Matt Sassari
Fiction. Based on a True Feeling of Disconnect
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional
It’s been two months since you arrived in Scotland. Nine months of waiting, a year of planning to get to this point. You struggled, waited, and fundraised to get to this point. You’re excited to finally be where you’re meant to be.
But you don’t feel content.
You’re surrounded by beauty, history, and the freedom to go wherever you want. But you feel the ache of missing. You aren’t in a place you’re used to; the comforts of home aren’t with you.
Every time someone asks you if you miss home, you get a little sadder.
Of course, you do. You miss your family. You miss your pets. You miss your friends. The people here are nice, but they aren’t your people. And that’s the hardest hurdle. Your heart hasn’t settled in the rolling hills of the verdant lands because you think there’s so much that’s missing rather than what’s been gained.
And you don’t know how to move past it. You don’t want people to think you’re ungrateful and unhappy getting and doing the things you want. The beauty of the country doesn’t negate the hard work that makes up what you’re doing. There’s hard ground to break through.
There’s warring against your reserved nature, doing things you wouldn’t normally do, and the burden doing what’s expected of you. Adapting to survive and blend in. You don’t find instant connections with people. Maybe that’s why you feel disconnected. You enjoy the people here, but your heart hasn’t connected with them.
The biggest lie is that if you’re not happy where you are, moving somewhere else will make those problems go away. If you’re unhappy where you are, you’ll just bring those things with you to the next place you go.
You want to travel, but you’re reminded that you’re doing it alone. That daunting realization should be freeing, but it resonates with the wounded part of you that doesn’t want to be alone.
Maybe you weren’t content where you were at home. Now the distance is bringing out what really hasn’t been resolved. You sense this is another season of learning to be alone with yourself, but you’re not sure if you’re ready to face yourself yet.