“Every moment births the next. Every breath fills my body with life. And with life emerges hope, the butterfly of the soul. What’s ugly need not stay that way. It can hunker down, curl in, go into its proper dark place, get fed, and peck its way out, Transformed.”

– Leanna Glenn Markham

“dauntless. (a note of gratitude for the ephemerality of life)”

Fiction. Based on a true tale of endurance.

-SJ

This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character, or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.

His now-waning existential crisis had been rooted in a fear of change. Rightfully so – his stability had been upended time and time again. When mom passed away a few months after he turned twelve, when he left home days later to live with AJ. When he was forced to mentally and emotionally grapple with neglect and abuse at a young age. When Rose OD’d last year, his fear thereafter heightened by the isolation of the pandemic. When he nearly took himself out after enduring too much, too quickly. He could not see past the fear that those hardships created, he could not stop and take a breath. He allowed himself to devolve. But, life has a funny way of bringing us out of those moments so we snap out of it. Divine intervention, fate, angels on our shoulders. No matter the method, life eventually brings us peace. And when he could finally see things for what they were, he untangled himself from his web of trauma, darkness, and regret. He breathed, he sighed. He allowed relief to wash over his entire being. Those terrifying, grievous experiences were gone as soon as they had occurred. And while he, who had seen too much, too soon, had remained wrapped up in their grips for a long time, he finally began to let go. The rapid-fire pace of life that had traumatized him was something he could now be grateful for. Deep relief and strength flowed through him as he continued to accept that even his worst moments must, and already did, pass. Dauntless.