“Your art is the master. You need to be the student.”

-Random Rab

 

“breaching the surface”

Fiction. Based on a True Inner Journey

-SJ

 

This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character, or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.

 

Floating along for over two decades, he had only known the darkness of the sea. He was accustomed to the depth and the unknown. He mistakenly found comfort there. He was all too familiar with the endlessness and the lack of clarity as to which way was up.

He often saw glimmers of light, shining down from above the surface. Still, he left himself to the devices of the directionless drift. He didn’t have to exert any energy that way. He didn’t think he had the power to change course.

Until the drift carried him too far out, too far under. Until he could no longer see the hopeful luminescence. Only then, did he begin to struggle against it. He allowed himself to remember some of the things he had learned in the dark, to remember the hard truths of his life.

His life was art, the past was his teacher, the future would be his creation. He understood this for the first time, and slowly learned how to direct himself. How to regain control he had long ago relinquished. He clawed and climbed and ascended upward. With a new sense of clarity and vision, he breached the surface.

Rays of sunlight heated his skin. He basked in the warmth. He gasped, no longer holding his breath.

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