“Perhaps all this time, Maple’s just been wanting for her big sister to start acting like a big sister again, instead of this sad, depressed, withdrawn shell of a person she had been for the past 8 years.”
—7 Orange Butterflies, Mingjie Zhai
“Bipolar for Jesus – part one – Prayer To Be Well”
Fiction. Based on a True Parent Relationship.
By Dorothy England
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
If I had a coin
For every time you asked me to stay
I could buy that wishing well.
The one we used to walk by
The one I used to imagine dipping bare toes in
The one used to bear secrets out
Of the people with moving lips and clicking gazes
Who didn’t want to share
But also didn’t want to hold
The grief and shame that wore them weary.
If I had a coin
for every time you begged me to pray
Perhaps I could buy that well
And perhaps with it
I could drown out all your whines.
I could even drown you.
Of course then I’d be
And the powers that be
Would hold me in the court of contempt
The court you built walls for
The court you paved a walkway to
The court you created
Because in your mind
I was not – am not – whole
In your mind
You lost yourself to my being found
You crucified yourself to my anger, my crossness
You exposed your torment to my being saved.
I suppose though
That’s the true meaning
Of a Christ-like love
Your pearly gates are wide and open!
Now please, Mother of God
Won’t you shut up?