“If there’s anything left to say,
I don’t know how to say it.
Some conversations are unspeakable.”
By Amanda Springbob
“Better Left Unsaid?”
Fiction. Based on a True Sickness That Needs To Be Talked About More.
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
There are certain things that are better left unsaid.
Like, please, don’t mention my belly fat. I know it’s there. I know I’m getting fat. There is no need for you to mention it.
And please, don’t mention my dirty hair. I know it’s dirty. I haven’t washed in it a week because my depression has overcome my desire to be clean.
And for the love of God, don’t tell me I need to find help. I know I need to find help. I know I’m in a dark and twisty mind space. It isn’t that easy. A therapist is not going to magically solve everything that is wrong with me. It takes time. So please, let me have my time.
Funny, though, because I haven’t said all that is wrong with me. Why?
Because you’ll judge me. We live in a society where depression is categorized as so many things except for what it simply is. If you’re really depressed, they say “you’re crazy,” yet, after a bad day you hear them saying, “I’m depressed,” as if it were nothing.
Depression isn’t always dark rooms and endless crying. Sometimes it’s getting up, going to work, smiling and laughing all day, then coming home to sit quietly doing little to nothing until it’s time to go to bed. Or going to bed at 6 p.m.. The mind can take a perfect day and turn it into the worst day of your life with just one thought. You can smile and fake it, and heck, the smile might be real. But your brain chemistry gets affected in a serious way. The damage can become irreplaceable. Is that what you want?
Depression is a silent killer. And you’ll never even know it.
If something physically hurts, you go to the doctor. People take vitamins and supplements to prevent themselves from becoming physically sick. So why can’t you take precautionary measures to be mentally healthy?
Your brain hurts, your heart hurts, everything hurts. Go to a specialist the same way you would go to a specialist if you had cancer.
People can’t see your illness, or maybe they can, but they ignore it because ‘it’ll pass.’ But cancer doesn’t just pass, and neither does depression. For cancer, there are many treatments, and the doctors will give you the treatment that will have a better effect on your body. And if you’re lucky, you’ll survive and get to live a while longer. But with depression? People don’t speak as openly about treatments for depression. And it could be just as deadly as a cancer.
Close to 800,000 people die as a result of suicide every year, which is one person every 40 seconds. According to the American Cancer Society, in 2020 there are a total of 1,806,590 new cancer cases, and 606,520 deaths are expected. The statistics go hand in hand, almost.
Think about that.
There is help.
There is treatment.
Ask for it.
Don’t leave it unsaid.