“Becoming.” Fiction. Based on a True Sermon.

“Play games, find ways to tease yourself back onto the playground.” –Rajiv Jain

“Becoming”

Fiction. Based on a True Sermon.

By Nikki Wicz

This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional

My mother’s pastor once told us
To be like children. 

At that point in my life
I was looking for any reason
To hate everything he said
Because I couldn’t retract my 
Disdain for religion long enough
To take good advice. 

I wanted him to mean that we
Should be ignorant, that we
Shouldn’t think too hard about 
our own brainwashing, that we
Should make ourselves helpless
And weak in the eyes of the lord. 

I wanted him to mean that we should
Lower our guard, to be naive, 
To let him fill our minds with 
Aimless wonder. 

But I hadn’t considered
That to be a child, our imagination 
Must be the size of worlds, 
That our view of reality 
Is elastic enough to be reshaped
Every day until it becomes almost
Stagnant, that our capacity for 
Learning becomes infinite. 

As I get older, I feel 
As though less of the world
Sticks to me the way it did 
When I was young. I still 
Remember the way my 
Handlebars felt in my hands
As I swerved and crashed 
My bike into cement. I still 
Remember the red bridge
That took me to a wonderland
Of crayfish and wild raspberries,
But ask me what I did yesterday 
And I will have no answer for you.

I’ve had to become my own god
And servent, creating and composing
My life in verse in case I forget
How it felt to exist, I hope
Someone will hand me this
When I am old and senile, so I 
Can remember, before I die, 
To be like a child, and bring
The world with me
In death.

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