Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.
– Newt Gingrich
Fiction. Based on a True Story of Committing to Yourself.
by Chelsea Wolfe
This journal entry is inspired by true events. Some of the characters, names, businesses, incidents, and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. Any similarity to the name, character or history of any person is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Trigger Warning: our program often motivates people to discuss their trauma. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please, take a step back to address emotional flashbacks and trauma before continuing to push yourself. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800) 273-8255.
You don’t know me yet but I’m you. In the future. I remember you like it was just yesterday. It’s been eight years since I was you. You’re having a great life at 16. Your best friend is living with you, you’re going and having fun like you don’t have a care in the world because you don’t. I miss those days. They were so easy.
You’re about to go into your senior year soon, about to turn 17. This is the year to party it up before you’re an adult. You can get into rated R movies. And you don’t know it yet, but you’re about to meet the most amazing guy. You’re going to fall in love with him, hard. It’s going to be the best three years of your life. And then it won’t be a fairytale anymore. You’ll have the worst year of your life after that with him. Reality will hit you like a train before you’re even 21. Because when you fall hard for someone, landing back into reality is even harder.
It’s been three years since you broke up with him and you’ll finally have reached the point of forgiveness, to not hate him with every breath. That one year of hell is going to change you. You won’t even recognize yourself anymore. But I want to tell you that it’s a good thing.
Despite everything you’re about to go into, you’re going to come out even stronger. You’re going to fall in love with someone else and you’re going to get married. You have two beautiful little girls. One of them is half of the guy you fell in love with in high school. She’s the reason you let all of the hate go. Because without him you wouldn’t have her.
It doesn’t take the pain away, but it makes it worth it. And it will hurt, it’ll hurt so bad you’ll wish you could make it all go away sometimes. You’ll even try to in the beginning, and you’ll fail. It will be one of the rare times you’ll be happy that you didn’t succeed in something you set out to do because you haven’t seen what comes after. Because after all the hurt and pain will come the happiness and bliss.
You’re barely passing school right now, thinking about dropping out again, but you get better in school too. More so than you could have ever dreamed. You got a bachelor’s degree, even though so many people told you you wouldn’t be successful. You’re in honor societies because you’ve got one of the highest GPA’s in school now. You’re no longer at the bottom of the list. You’re working so many jobs because you know what you want, and nothing is going to stop you from getting it. You’re going to try and get your master’s degree, I can’t tell you if you get it because I can’t see into the future and I’m only so much older than you are now.
Life is hitting you hard right now and it will be harder during the next few years and then after that it’ll get harder but you know what? You’re going to make it through it all because I made it through it all. And you know what the best part is? You’re going to want to make it through everything. You’re going to hit your lowest point soon and from there you’re only going to climb. You’re going to reach places you never thought possible for you. You’re going to take all the remarks about how you can’t do something and you’re going to shove it down people’s throats as they watch you be more than they thought possible. They’re going to sit in their misery while they watch you grow and be better than you ever were.
You’re about to start your senior year. You have the whole world and your entire life sitting in front of you. I’m here to tell you that it’s all going to be okay. You may not know what you want to do or be yet, but you will. And once you figure it out nothing and no one is going to stop you. Every speed bump ahead is just going to push you harder and you’re going to learn to embrace everything that tries to stop you. Because in the end all it’s going to do is push you in ways you didn’t think possible. And the feeling you’ll get when you accomplish what people told you that you couldn’t, that strong feeling of satisfaction – you’re going to live for it because you know what you want and you’re going to prove to everyone that you can do anything you set your mind to.
So push forward and never stop because if you do stop, you’ll never forgive yourself.
I can’t wait for you to meet me.
To become me.