by Mingjie Zhai
Your smile melts into the ether
where your dreams of what could’ve been went
amazing when you are so honest
about your yearning
in your grieving
through your process
of once again believing
in love after love
though it’s being
in the moment that’s so fleeting
so your quest is in the test
of courage to open
your glass heart
now you start
picking it apart
with each broken shard
pick it up
while picking it apart
and you measure it
test it, observe it, still it
listening to its rhythm
and yearning to understand the beats
how much you have already grown
little do you know
from the beats in between
where you discovered grace
through the silence
before the dip
for we all are on the same ride
the same beat, just at different times
but the same beat
with the same breath
is how and why
I am in awe
when I feel your heart
and see it beating
on a screen.
beating fully before me
in peaks and troughs
unsteady, not yet ready
though you say you are
but you’re heart doesn’t lie
in your world for a beautiful moment
in intimate conversation
the space I occupy
in your presence
I have finally arrived
though it took 3 dejavus,
a declaration to the universe 3 weeks prior
and numbers that affirmed my journey towards you
that this has already been foretold
3 years ago
by a man named *Dris
in New Hampshire
who told me while I was in a dress
that one day I will meet someone on a random interview like this
and I will connect with that guy, and when I do,
I will know.
5 years since the man I once loved took my dreams with him to another woman
where my smile melted into the either
of a certain dream forgone
but what I realized in the moment I looked into your eyes
was that the dream was always there
it never left me, though I had thought it ended
and would never happen again.
the dream transmuted
And for the first time
in five years
I discovered gold
I discovered it at the junction
of two rivers
the shining bits and pieces
glittered and glowed
from the luminosity of the full moon
when I was in your arms
I looked up through your third story window
and recognized my name
and for the first time
since I was a child
I remembered what my name means
and what I’m here to do,
somewhere along adolescence
I had forgotten from the miasma of regrets, blame, and self-loathing.
That evening, I remembered.
My purpose here is to Love you
in the way I have never loved a man.
The Love I give to you is patient, it is kind.
The Love I give to you does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
The Love I give to you will not dishonor you, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it will not keep record of wrongs.
The Love I give to you does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
The Love I give to you will always protect you, always trust you, always hopes for the best in you, and will persevere.
The Love I give to you is true love.
This is what I’m meant to do.
and I am ready to act upon it through a choice I have pre-ordained, pre-committed, pre-written from some other life I had chosen for this one.
It all culminates in the third act of my three-act Love Story.
And the best is yet to come.