“Alchemy”

Rohan-Inspired

by Mingjie Zhai

Your smile melts into the ether

where your dreams of what could’ve been went

a future

habit

broken

you are

amazing when you are so honest

about your yearning

in your grieving

through your process

of once again believing

in love after love

though it’s being

in the moment that’s so fleeting

so your quest is in the test

of courage to open

your glass heart

shattered

now you start

picking it apart

with each broken shard

pick it up

while picking it apart

and you measure it

test it, observe it, still it

listen

listening to its rhythm

and yearning to understand the beats

how much you have already grown

little do you know

from the beats in between

where you discovered grace

through the silence

the flatline

before the dip

slip

for we all are on the same ride

the same beat, just at different times

and spaces

but the same beat

with the same breath

is how and why

I am in awe

when I feel your heart

and see it beating

on a screen.

beating fully before me

in peaks and troughs

unsteady, not yet ready

though you say you are

but you’re heart doesn’t lie

I’m immersed

in your world for a beautiful moment

in intimate conversation

I realize

the space I occupy

in your presence

I have finally arrived

though it took 3 dejavus,

a declaration to the universe 3 weeks prior

and numbers that affirmed my journey towards you

that this has already been foretold

3 years ago

by a man named *Dris

in New Hampshire

who told me while I was in a dress

that one day I will meet someone on a random interview like this

and I will connect with that guy, and when I do,

I will know.

5 years since the man I once loved took my dreams with him to another woman

where my smile melted into the either

of a certain dream forgone

but what I realized in the moment I looked into your eyes

was that the dream was always there

it never left me, though I had thought it ended

and would never happen again.

the dream transmuted

alchemy

And for the first time

in five years

in your

shattered heart

I discovered gold

I discovered it at the junction

of two rivers

the shining bits and pieces

glittered and glowed

from the luminosity of the full moon

that evening

when I was in your arms

I looked up through your third story window

and recognized my name

and for the first time

since I was a child

I remembered what my name means

and what I’m here to do,

my purpose

somewhere along adolescence

I had forgotten from the miasma of regrets, blame, and self-loathing.

That evening, I remembered.

My purpose here is to Love you

in the way I have never loved a man.

The Love I give to you is patient, it is kind.

The Love I give to you does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

The Love I give to you will not dishonor you, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it will not keep record of wrongs.

The Love I give to you does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

The Love I give to you will always protect you, always trust you, always hopes for the best in you, and will persevere.

The Love I give to you is true love.

This is what I’m meant to do.

and I am ready to act upon it through a choice I have pre-ordained, pre-committed, pre-written from some other life I had chosen for this one.

It all culminates in the third act of my three-act Love Story.

And the best is yet to come.

Finale.

Love,

Mingjie

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